Things I Would Rather Do Instead of Writing My Personal Statement:

Here is a list of things I would much rather be doing, because this personal statement (the most essential essay written as part of the application for medical school) is the most heinous fuckery afoot….and also, I hate it.

  • Play video games (which I find dull, difficult, frustrating, unimportant, monotonous, and draining).
  • Write a blog post (because no matter what I write on this god forsaken page, none of you will ask me questions about it in a stuffy interview right after asking me if I believe in the death penalty or if I prefer apples or oranges or if socialized health care is, in fact, Satan in disguise)
  • Run about town naked (because it’s cold and I’m sure I would get a free beer- I live in Portland- before I was arrested)
  • Stipple pictures of cells on my ceiling
  • Cover my entire body with beetles and paper cuts (seriously– if it would get me into medical school without writing this thing, I would consider it)
  • Go to Occupy Portland and freeze to death with all of the other liberals (great job guys! I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing down there, but I’m proud of you and your latex, sparkly outfits)
  • Dangle candy on a string off of my balcony and see how many kids/ drunk people I could catch.
  • Write a 500 page document comparing the mental capacity of a 5 year old to the A-hole who designed my apartment and put the washer and dryer unit in my effing bedroom. Seriously, how can I get anything done while my roommate pops her head in and out of the room to check on her shoes clunking around in the dryer…?
  • Watch porn or Netflix or something…. (won’t work, see privacy issue above)
  • Write outrageous Craigslist ads to never follow up on
  • Endlessly flick through StumbleUpon until my eyes bleed
Dammit, just wasting time….
Today I picked up some of Lauryn Hare’s photographs. They are FABULOUS. If you live in the Portland area, they’re worth checking out. She’ll be headed to school in Chicago soon enough, so ….hop on it.
I’m going to go before I say anything else inappropriate.
Disclaimer: I think medical school applications are actually making me crazy.

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